Wednesday, July 9, 2014

And now, I mess with Texas

It’s not like there haven’t been some good things to come out of Texas. They’re the undisputed leader in waistline-destroying barbecue concoctions. Willie Nelson’s from Texas, and I’ll defy anyone who says he’s not the coolest octogenarian this side of Clint Eastwood. And those Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders? Yowser. I’ll take a valium and a cold shower, please.

On the whole, though, the state is a hot mess, even discounting those bull-riding ninnies with the tobacco stains on their Wranglers. The latest travesty to come out of the Lone Star State is a Republican-backed platform endorsing gay conversion therapy, which sounds like exactly what it is: A program that aims to turn gay people straight. Which is sort of like trying to turn a duck-billed platypus into an insurance salesman.

The platform – which was adopted recently by the Texas GOP without so much as a debate – has been enthusiastically endorsed by Governor Rick Perry. Not surprising, given he’s demonstrated the cognitive prowess of a gas-huffing water buffalo. Perry, you may remember, ran for president during the last election cycle, and in 2011 made headlines during a primary debate by stumbling spectacularly on what should have been a relatively easy question. After claiming that he would immediately eliminate three government agencies upon assuming the presidency, he was asked which ones. He named two and couldn’t name a third, which was both cringe-inducing and comedically awesome.
 

“The third agency of government I would do away with – the education, the, uh, commerce, and let’s see,” he said. “I can’t the third one. I can’t. Sorry. Oops.”
 
Oops, indeed.
 
That’s old news, of course, but I bring it up because it speaks to the man’s judgment, and not favorably. Yet he’s got an entire party backing him on this hair-brained endorsement of gay conversion therapy – which is being dubbed “reparative therapy,” perhaps to take some of the bigoted edge off of it. Re-worded that way, it sounds like something you might do to your car.
 
That a statewide legislative body can lay claim to such ridiculousness is scary, for two reasons. For one thing, it’s tone-deaf. The states that prohibit gay marriage are toppling faster than a row of tipped-back dominoes, and nationwide, there’s a clear majority in favor of it, one that’s growing. Maybe it’s an increased presence in the media and in peoples’ lives; maybe it’s common sense, but somehow, the general public is awakening to the realization that there are a lot of things scarier than simply being gay. Take cheese-stuffed pizza crust, for example, or the moles on Morgan Freeman’s face.
 
But the other reason the whole scenario is frightening is that, simply put, reparative therapy is complete crap. And there’s an entire political party in Texas that doesn’t get that.
 
Mysteriously, over the past several years, we’ve become a country that ignores the twin pillars of facts and evidence. To pull a random but ubiquitous example, it’s a fact that current changes to the Earth’s climate are both real and human-made; it’s simple particle physics, backed by decades of data and research. Yet someone gets on TV and claims it’s a debatable issue, and people believe him because he’s wearing a tie, and a hairpiece that looks almost real, if you squint.
 
Likewise, it’s a fact that gay conversion doesn’t work. More importantly, it shouldn’t have to. Even if it hadn’t been completely discredited by the American Medical, Psychological, and Psychiatric associations – which it has – the very concept of reparative therapy implies there’s something wrong with homosexuality.
 
The rapid shift in public sentiment toward acceptance of gays and lesbians is predicated on the idea that it’s okay to be who you are; it’s okay to love someone despite how “traditional” or “untraditional” the nature of that love may be. Because ultimately, it boils down to the same thing: a desire for closeness to another person. That’s universal.
 
To thank for this overdue moment of acceptance is the power of facts – specifically, the fact that some people are simply born gay, now a scientifically accepted certainty, and backed by the life experiences of millions of people. Following this, logic would dictate that circumstances beyond someone’s control are deserving of neither judgment nor condemnation.
 
Try telling that to Rick Perry and his band of jug-hatted gunslingers. Perry, who in the past few weeks has been making the rounds on the big cable news shows – sporting a pair of black-rimmed glasses, perhaps in an attempt to look scholarly – has compared homosexuality to alcoholism, in that some people may have a natural tendency toward it, but can control the impulse. Never mind that Perry has placed sexual orientation on the same level as a condition that causes health problems, kills motorists, and destroys families. Never mind that he’s essentially looked all gay people in the face and said, “You are diseased.”
 
The most disturbing thing about his assertion is the complete disconnect from reality. Truth is, humans are but one species among hundreds that exhibit homosexual behavior, including lions, elephants, and desert tortoises (not kidding). The idea that it’s “sinful” or “unnatural” is indisputably false, and yet Texas Republicans exhibit symptoms of a pandemic in American life and politics: A knee-jerk aversion to any science, research, or moral recompassing that challenges a long-held belief.
 
Look, in a way, I almost get it. I hate to be wrong. I hate admitting it. That’s human. But if I were to hold up a bottle of water and proclaim, “The inside of this bottle is dry,” then my opinion would be demonstrably incorrect, completely overwhelmed by the evidence of water’s wetness. When Texas lawmakers promote pseudo-science to alter a natural and common behavior, they waggle their Poland Springs brazenly in the air while bemoaning an imaginary drought. Their pride outweighs their willingness to acknowledge what is clearly a mistake – and a damaging one, at that. Meanwhile, they do irreparable harm to their own image by taking their case to an incredulous news media, and a public increasingly closed off to their brand of insipid pablum.
 
That tarnished image will have political consequences. Marriage may be a right that’s relatively new for gay men and women, but one thing they’ve always been able to do is vote. If Perry still harbors aspirations for the White House, he’s effectively ended that dream by sponsoring a program which is offensive to a sizable constituency. Thwarted by his own ignorance and shortsightedness, he’s now rendered the Oval Office a permanently unattainable fantasy – and this time, he didn’t even have to wait for a debate.
 
Oops.

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